My personal experiences influenced me to create Inner Journey, I imbued this work with symbols of my struggle with mental illness, i found myself plagued by an intense (unwarranted) fear and doubt over my long-standing sexual orientation as a man, a concept recently described as Homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder(HOCD). I intentionally placed myself in the middle of the photograph and took up most of the frame to emphasize my presence. The lack of emotion depicts absence of hope, happiness and emotional disconnect from the rest of the world. When viewing inner journey my skin tone is of intense dark , I added black body paint to mourn emotions and feelings that belonged to my mental illness and not my own personality.
My review of othering begins where my exaggerated black skin meets the numerous red dots plugged to my skin which is a metaphor of words society uses to judge a person , they are like a virus that kills self esteem. I wanted to showcase the struggle I have with my sexuality and the discomfort of judgement that lurks somewhere in the collective black consciousness towards my comfort zone and the safety of my own skin.
I carefully ensured the bold painful prevalence of the red colour as a signifier of harmful words and labels, in sharp dangerous contrast to my dark skin. These are the boundaries between me and the outside world that elicit ambivalence.
Bongani Tshabalala, South Africa, Johannesburg
